kinirokitsune: Donna with caption:"Maed of Awesome" (Made of Awesome)
So, my mother is getting out of the rehab place tomorrow. Which, makes me very happy. (Sadly, a small part of me is disappointed. Since, most of the time, I had the house to myself and did everything for myself. WHich I will miss)

Don't get me wrong. There is NOTHING bad about my mom getting out of rehab. I don't even have to woory to much about her care since we will have a in care nurse. (We're going to try to get 12 hours at most. Since my mom Lupus is still pretty bad. Hopefully, we get 24 hour care in the near fworries about payuture) Since she had medicare and medicaid, no worry about payments. My main worry is how the lawsuit will go. D8 Still, this makers me happy.

The main problem is that my grandmother came back from Peru yesterday. A part of me that is dutiful make me want to say, 'Even despite this I love my grandmother', but I can't. I tolerate her. I care for her. Yes, I sometimes lik her, but that is the best you will get out of me. Love what little love I had for the woman, along with patience, has evaporated. I would go on to explain why, but not right now. Considering how emotional I'm feeling, it'll end up super long entry with me feel sad and disappointed. Also, lots of tears. Additionally, like a mentioned in a past post, it won't help my depression. (Which for the most part been stable)

I don't feel like doing such a thing. Not now, my mom is coming home and I don't have to worry about that. Though, I will tell her what exactly will happen if she starts harassing my mother, or the nurse. My mother doesn't need the stress. Neither do I, but someone needs to put their foot down. t won't be my mother or Papi since they're too soft-hearted. (In my Papi's case, still madly in love)

Anyways, after that slightly depressing piece, I went to hang out with Abe this past Saturday. It was pretty fun! Though, I pretty sure it w asn't hanging out but a date. He pretty much paid for everything. I felt bad, so I limited myself on stuff. Ugh, Abe is a nice guy and we have a lot in common, but not looking for a relationship with anyone. I have too many things in my life to sort out before I even start doing important stuff like looking into finishing college and what I want to do in the future. Dating it the LAST thing on my mind.

Ugh, part of me just wants to sat that he was paying cuz he was a gentleman, but the more rational part of me says nope. *Sigh* I'm giving this another chance before I let him down and offer to be friends. Cuz, he's a cool guy. Also, I need another DW nerd to hang with.

We went to see Prometheus which wasn't bad. Sure, there where SO many things wrong with the movie, but I'm one those people that can turn off their brain for a little while and enjoy a movie. ESPECIALLY, if it's alien movie or a monster/horror movie.

Also, next month on the 17th of next month, going to be spending few days in Kaitlyn's house. 8D Well, bake, watch Doctor who and all kinds of things. Anyways, gonna check out now. Still, need to look into more jobs, I need to get hired soon GRRRR.

Oddly enough, hearing the Gokaiger theme never fails to cheer me up. Here all the ending put together. If you wondering what the hell Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger. It's Pirate Task Force aka Pirate Power Ranger...(from space)



kinirokitsune: (Annoyed)
Every single day I walk up at 8 or 9. Now most would get up with the sounds of a peaceful house. Noooo, I'm  not that lucky. Every morning since I can remember, I wake up to the sounds of my grandparents fighting. Mostly my grandmother fighting with my mom or Papi(My grandfather).

Today, I woke up and she was screaming at him. My grandmother claims to clean thing, but oly serves to mess up or step on things. Anyways, it was all quiet until Papi came home from visiting my mom. Then, the fighting started again and I got fed up. I went there and told to stop. Everyday, she starts fight with my grandfather and never stops.

Then, she come to yell at me and call me ungrateful. I constantly yell at her (lie) over things that she's never done (again lie). The only thing that she is doing is helping. Yes, she helps my mother by constantly reminding her of all the money that she borrowed. Helps by constantly saying if my mom had listened to her, we would have not lost the restaurant considering that she never had a business. She helps by constantly putting down my mom and I with back handed compliments. She helps by bringing up things that happened years ago and never lets us forget. Helps by constantly making my grandfather feel bad about his alcoholism, which he has been sober for 20+ years, when it was her fault for it in the first place. Helps by constantly reminding me I'm a failure because I'm not in school due to financial trouble. Helps by pointing out all the things I did wrong in the past, like "throwing her out". In reality, she was giving my mother a panick attack and told her to get out off the room. Helps by ruining any special events by saying the dress would look nice if I was thinner or the make-up I'm wearing makes me look like a whore/harlot.

Honestly, if this is "helping" then get the fuck out.

Really, it's not like she cares about me or my mother anyways. I think it's sad that I realized that my grandmother never loved me and no matter what I do, is never going to love me. I think it would have been easier to handle if I figured this out at the age of 20 or 18. No, I've known this fact since I was 8. It's even more frustrating to know that her other children treat her like dirt, but she thinks they're are the most wonderful people in the universe. Right now, I'm angry and tired. Tired over to having to fight this every couple of months. Tired of all the sadness and tears it brings even though, I know this fact. Most of a, I feel tired of the fact that when these fight happens my grandmother will never let me or anyone else live it down. Honesty, I'm tired of her and her bullshit.

I'm going to go watch something funny or play a game now. I need something to take my mind off this anger and frustration.

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