Mar. 4th, 2012

kinirokitsune: (Annoyed)
Every single day I walk up at 8 or 9. Now most would get up with the sounds of a peaceful house. Noooo, I'm  not that lucky. Every morning since I can remember, I wake up to the sounds of my grandparents fighting. Mostly my grandmother fighting with my mom or Papi(My grandfather).

Today, I woke up and she was screaming at him. My grandmother claims to clean thing, but oly serves to mess up or step on things. Anyways, it was all quiet until Papi came home from visiting my mom. Then, the fighting started again and I got fed up. I went there and told to stop. Everyday, she starts fight with my grandfather and never stops.

Then, she come to yell at me and call me ungrateful. I constantly yell at her (lie) over things that she's never done (again lie). The only thing that she is doing is helping. Yes, she helps my mother by constantly reminding her of all the money that she borrowed. Helps by constantly saying if my mom had listened to her, we would have not lost the restaurant considering that she never had a business. She helps by constantly putting down my mom and I with back handed compliments. She helps by bringing up things that happened years ago and never lets us forget. Helps by constantly making my grandfather feel bad about his alcoholism, which he has been sober for 20+ years, when it was her fault for it in the first place. Helps by constantly reminding me I'm a failure because I'm not in school due to financial trouble. Helps by pointing out all the things I did wrong in the past, like "throwing her out". In reality, she was giving my mother a panick attack and told her to get out off the room. Helps by ruining any special events by saying the dress would look nice if I was thinner or the make-up I'm wearing makes me look like a whore/harlot.

Honestly, if this is "helping" then get the fuck out.

Really, it's not like she cares about me or my mother anyways. I think it's sad that I realized that my grandmother never loved me and no matter what I do, is never going to love me. I think it would have been easier to handle if I figured this out at the age of 20 or 18. No, I've known this fact since I was 8. It's even more frustrating to know that her other children treat her like dirt, but she thinks they're are the most wonderful people in the universe. Right now, I'm angry and tired. Tired over to having to fight this every couple of months. Tired of all the sadness and tears it brings even though, I know this fact. Most of a, I feel tired of the fact that when these fight happens my grandmother will never let me or anyone else live it down. Honesty, I'm tired of her and her bullshit.

I'm going to go watch something funny or play a game now. I need something to take my mind off this anger and frustration.

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